Carpe Diem
by bitchy brunette
Summary: Faye is left to pick up the pieces after Spike is gone.


Title: Carpe Diem  
Summary: Faye has to pick up the pieces now that Spike is gone.   
Archive: ff.net  
Disclaimer: I don't own Cowboy BeBop. Would it be over if I did? Would we have to wait a year for the movie? I don't think so.  
Comments: kimmie@emailanywhere.com  
  
  
  
  
Faye stretched her legs out, making her toes touch the armrest on the other side of the couch. "It's been a long time." she didn't look up to address the voice.   
"Doesn't seem like it. I can't believe any time at all has passed since I was here." a round face peered over the back of the couch, blinking.   
"Ed likes it! Faye-Faye is back and maybe-" Ein jumped onto Ed, ending the girl's train of thought.  
"Are you going to explain the state of your Red Tail? It's going to take at least a month to get all the parts alone." she stared down at the steaming cup of tea in her hands.   
Jet stood. "Not that you've ever explained anything, in all the time I've known you. Ed, come on and help me in the hangar." the girl sat up straight, holding the dog in her hands.   
She jumped up, looking delighted, giving Jet a crooked salute. "Yes sir, Jet-person!" Ed dropped Ein and followed Jet from the room, Ein yapping along behind.   
Faye let her head drop down into the pillows of the couch. So much had happened since she was on board the BeBop. Too much.   
  
**  
  
Faye landed the Red Tail on Earth, grimacing at how many memories the simple touch of warm sunlight could bring to the surface. "One eye is always looking into the past." how she had taken not knowing for granted. It was almost worse, remembering a time when she didn't remember.   
When did she really start to recall things from her past? It must've been from that stupid VCR. Maybe it was the time in the shower, when she remembered the entire intergalactic voyage, what was to be her first, and last, for a very long time.   
Faye Valentine Smith was a very rich girl. Her family owned a large house on the coast, where she'd grown up. She was a very happy child, and once she was in college, Faye finally decided it was time to visit other planets. A bunch of her friends booked tickets on a large intergalactic cruise-liner for a weeklong trip to Mars. Faye was very much looking forward to the trip. Her parents had some reservations, but Faye told them it was only because they were old and remembered a time when interplanetary travel was impossible. They allowed her to go. Faye could hardly sit still during the voyage. As they jumped into hyperspace for what should've been a routine maneuver, another ship coming back collided with them. It shouldn't have happened- hyperspace jumps were timed down to the last millisecond to prevent such accidents- but it did. Faye remembered a terrific crash. At the time, she had no idea what happened. Faye remembered watching the thick slab of glass cracking under the enormous pressure. Everyone began screaming, and the ship shuddered. Strange groaning, cracking sounds were heard. Faye was sure the cabin had become depressurized as holes widened in the hull. She had blacked out.   
Somehow, rescue cruisers had closed down the hyperspace gate and gotten the vessels back to Earth, where any survivors were treated. Faye, at the request of her insanely rich and grieving parents, was put into cryogenic sleep, as modern medicine could do nothing to save her. Fifty years later, the impossible happened, and Faye's enormous internal injuries were repaired and she was brought out of her frozen tomb. Fifty years. Her parents were dead, her older brother was long gone from this planet- she remembered nothing of her life.   
That crooked doctor knew who she was. He knew that her parents had left a substantial amount of money to her, not only to pay for the medical bills but as her inheritance. He wanted to gain her trust and then tell her about her money, as to lay claim to a part of it. Unfortunately for him, things had turned out differently and Faye was running from her debts. Debts that she could've easily paid off. Her fists tightened as she thought of all the trouble that she'd been through, all the times she went hungry for lack of woolongs. She'd suffered needlessly.   
But Faye was back here. "For the last time," she promised herself, looking back at where her family's once grand house had stood.   
Faye was here to collect her money and nothing else. She didn't need this place anymore. Walking back from the bank, she felt a sense of loss, but knew it was coming to an end. Faye boarded the Red Tail and flew off not bothering to look back down at the place that used to be a part of her.   
  
**  
  
She flew for a long time, using the hyperspace jump. Faye didn't feel a thing. She knew it should've brought something to her- but other than the brief image of a thick plate of grass cracking right before her eyes- she felt nothing. No fear, no reservation. She had to clean this last part of her past up and that was it.   
Faye landed, cautiously summing up the area. The place looked abandoned enough, but who could be sure. She fingered the gun in her hidden holster. No need to make people suspicious. If anyone was here and she was toting a gun, they would fire without giving her a chance to talk. If she looked innocent enough, she could play dumb. Faye stepped out of the Red Tail and stopped. The building was no more. Entire floors had been exploded and since fallen into ones below. Glass windows were blown out, shard littered the concrete. "You came to rescue me." it seemed so long since she heard him.   
Had it really only been a few hours? A few hours were an eternity to lie like that, sprawled over the stairs, face down. Faye neared, walking up the steps. "It really is over, then, isn't it?" she had to stop, drawing nearer would allow her to see detail.  
If she were any closer she would be able to see his hair, his gun, tell the colors of his clothes. If Faye knew, then she couldn't pretend. It would be over for her, too. "I used to think that if I just knew about my past, I could move on. I was wrong. I was wrong about everything. You tried to tell me that I couldn't move on, I'd be stuck, just like you. I remember now, and it makes everything worse." Faye's voice caught in her throat.   
"You could never just leave it alone, could you? Maybe it was meant to be, maybe you weren't meant to have her, maybe they would've left you alone. Maybe it was lucky I was in that accident. If I hadn't been frozen, I wouldn't have met you, would I? But you never thought of that." Faye began to hum something, half under her breath.   
She knew he hated her singing. "I only want to know what real sadness is-" she reached out, and there was a blast so close Faye could feel its heat on her skin.   
Faye jumped up and ran for the Red Tail, firing all around her. Blasts hit her ship and Faye pulled it into gear, taking it away from that place. She wasn't alone- a cruiser followed her, its painted eyes staring, yellow.   
It was a dragon. Faye fired, but only to ward it away. It was gaining on her, and from the looks of it, it had a locking clamp. She was sure it was about to deploy to stop her for questioning. "I've got to get out of here," she muttered, urging her little ship to go faster.   
"If I can make it to that jump-" there was a jerk and the sound of metal crashing into metal.   
"Damnit!" she cried, knowing she was caught.   
Faye felt the pull as the cord was drawn in, capturing her.  
  
**  
  
Faye had sat in her cockpit, waiting. She knew it was only a matter of time before the Red Dragon men landed somewhere and brought her to whomever was leading them now. She prayed Spike had killed Vicious. He was, after all, the only one who'd gotten a good look at her. She could play dumb with anyone else. "My trump card," she thought wistfully, "the part of the dumb female."  
The door was wrenched off the Red Tail. She didn't say anything- what could she have said? "Will you please stop tearing apart my ship? I'm gonna need that to escape, you know."   
Two men in suits, wielding large guns pointed them at her. "Get out of there. Move slow." she complied, looking as innocent and wide-eyed as possible.  
Faye kept her mouth shut as they grabbed her, one on either side. She couldn't possibly reach her pistol now. As she stepped off her ship, her hope died. Vicious, large raven seated on his shoulder, stared at her with unforgiving eyes.   
He leaned over to a man who was also wearing a nice suit and whispered something. The man nodded at the two, who dragged her off to a small room. They tossed her inside and shut the door. She heard the click of a deadbolt. "Damnit!" she cried again, curing up against the wall, her knees drawn in to her chest.   
Faye waited for what seemed like hours. Finally, the door opened and Vicious stepped in, flanked by two men. "What were you doing there?" his cold voice demanded.   
Faye looked up at him. "Doing where?" she asked, smiling sweetly.   
One of the men hauled her to her feet, gripping her shoulders tightly and making her grimace. Faye sighed to herself. "I had to make sure." Vicious smiled an ugly, unnatural expression.   
"And what did you find?" Faye felt anger boil up in her.   
She strained to lean closer to him. "What do you think I found, you stupid fuck? He may be dead but at least he's free of you." she spat on him, earning herself a punch from one of the men holding her back.   
There were no doubt more coming, but Vicious stopped them, wiping her spit from his cheek. "Silly girl. He'll never be free of me. You should know that by now. But you- you can earn that status." he waved the men out, and the dragged Faye behind them, kicking and struggling.   
  
**  
  
"I don't suppose I can convince either of you two gentlemen to let me go?" she asked, walking along to some doom.   
Neither replied, they just kept leading her down the long corridor. Faye sighed. "Can you at least tell me what exactly I did?"   
"Vicious will tell you soon enough." one replied gruffly.   
Faye rolled her eyes. "Him again. Terrific." she followed in silence.   
They didn't seem to slow, but some sound down another hall made them stop suddenly. They spoke in whispers to each other. One ran off down the hallway, the other kept a tight grip on her. The one with her grew impatient, tapping his foot and looking back down the hall. Faye didn't dare hope that Jet had found her.   
Finally, the man took one of her cuffs off and hooked it to a door handle. "Don't try to get that off, or it'll be worse for you." he promised before heading down the hallway.   
Faye waited impatiently for someone to come back. She strained her wrist, trying to get it out of the cuff. She pulled and squeezed until her flesh was raw and red, and still she kept at it. "You know, I've got the key right here, you don't have to do that. Unless, of course, you prefer to do it that way, and then I can just stand here at watch you." Faye didn't know whether to laugh or cry.   
She held out her hand impatiently. "Would you just get this off me so we can get out of here?" Spike complied, unlocking her cuffs and leading her down the hall.   
"We've got to get out this way. This is where they landed the Red tail, right?" Faye nodded.   
"Your Shark is still back there?" he nodded.   
Spike stared out into the hangar. "There are five out there. Got anything on you?" Faye brandished her tiny pistol.   
"They didn't even notice it."   
"You take the right?" she grinned at him.   
"I've got your sorry ass covered. Go for it." Spike ran out, taking two down.   
Faye followed, and two more fell.   
The last was taken care of before he could dash off and report back to Vicious. "Hurry up, we've still got to take care of this door."   
"What door?" Spike asked, and climbed inside, and saw the damage.   
"Damn. Start her up, I've got it." he pulled the door back down and used emergency clamps to hold it closed.   
"It should work. We can pray the seal stays." he held onto her chair from behind.   
"What the hell did I see?" she asked, referring to his body earlier.   
"I don't know. I just got up after they'd all left and came here. I knew you weren't smart enough to stay out of trouble. I'm dead maybe three hours and you've gone and gotten yourself kidnapped. How can a guy rest with all of that?" his smile was wry.  
Faye wanted to hit him. "But it's still not over. Vicious-"   
"Won't last long, I can promise that." Faye frowned.   
"He said something about the two of you never being free of each other. What was he talking about?" Spike's face darkened.   
"You wouldn't understand." Faye shook her head.   
"Oh no, you're not getting away with that. I was almost killed back there, and I want to know why." Spike shrugged.   
"Maybe it's a side effect of sticking your nose where it doesn't belong." she glared at him.   
"Wait, go back, we've got to get the Shark." Faye complied, but her glare didn't ease.   
"It's a really long story, Faye." she frowned.   
"Well, we've got time, go ahead." she landed, and Spike unhooked the clamps and jumped out.   
"Radio." she reminded him.   
He waved, and climbed into his own cockpit. Her radio crackled to life as she clamped the door shut. "I've got to finish it, Faye. Vicious was right, we'll never be free until it's over." she watched him go.   
He smiled at her out the window. "Aren't you going to say goodbye to me?" she shook her head.   
Spike laughed, and lifted off, blowing her a flippant kiss before disappearing. Faye felt numb as she followed suit.   
  
**  
  
Faye didn't come back to the BeBop after that. She was a lone wolf cowgirl, rounding up what she could only to stay busy. She didn't really need the money, and sometimes, when she could, she wired the money to Ed and Jet.   
Faye had run out of fuel because she was careless. No one would stop for her, and she didn't want to offer passerby's money for a ride, lest they try to rob her. She waited, floating about like a piece of interstellar trash until the BeBop happened along.   
  
**  
  
She sipped her tea, trying to recognize the feeling of warmth. "Ed heard you." she looked over at the wiry girl standing in the doorway.   
"Is Spike-person coming back?" her wide eyes studied Faye carefully.   
"I don't know, Ed." the girl frowned.   
"Spike-person should come back. It has been a long time. Ein misses him." she confided frankly.   
Faye smiled ruefully, a shadow of old happiness. Jet poked his head inside. "Dinner's ready."   
Ed jumped up happily. "Come on, Ein, we've got to eat!" she pulled Faye from the couch.   
"Let's go!" Faye let Ed drag her into the dining room.   
Ed squealed as she entered, dropping Faye's hand and jumping onto the person seated at the table. "Yay, now everything is back to normal!" she cried, accompanied by Ein's frenzied yapping.   
Faye left the dining room. She couldn't do this again, not now. Faye decided she wanted a bath, and locked the door behind her.  
"Steam somehow makes everything right," she decided, scraping a handful of bubbles from the top of the water and studying them.   
Someone knocked on the door. "Hey, we've all got to use the facilities, you know!" what would she have done to hear that voice yesterday?  
Faye didn't know, but somehow, today was different. "Oh, hold your horses." she replied, her voice dripping with annoyance.   
"We sound like nothing happened. If I didn't know any better-"   
  
**  
  
Faye ignored the pounding on the door. "Come on, Faye, you've been in there for over an hour!" she began to hum, and then sing.   
"Oh no, not this on top of everything. One day I'm going to get you singing lessons. Then I won't have to put up with your off key racket floating around my head all day." her voice grew louder as he continued to yell at her.   
"I'm breaking it down, I swear." she heard him.   
Faye jumped out of the tub and threw her robe on, perching on the toilet seat. A loud thump resonated through the small room, and then another. Spike flew in, momentum carrying him right into the full tub of soapy, warm water. "You know," she remarked, smiling, "if you wanted to join me, you could've just asked."   
Spike pulled himself out of the bathtub, water running from him in rivulets. "Very funny." he remarked while pushing wet hair from his eyes.   
"Hey, watch out, I'm drying now." she told him sweetly.   
"Oh, you don't want me to do this?" he shook his head, spraying her with droplets of water.   
"Hey! Stop that!" she cried, laughing and angry at the same time.   
"Or this?" he took a handful of water and splashed it at her.   
Faye retaliated and soon they were having an all out war with water and suds. She screamed as he dumped a particularly large amount over her dry robe. They were laughing and dumping water and using faucets. Faye took her washcloth and was about to wring it all over him. Spike caught her wrists and they struggled, battling for it. They both kind of froze for a second. He leaned down and just as their lips were about to touch-  
  
**  
  
Faye shook her head. "I'm done." she put on her robe and left the bathroom in a puff of steam.   
He almost missed her. "Hey, no goodbye, no hello... I'm getting the feeling you're mad at me." Faye turned around to study him.   
"Something like that." she acknowledged, turning back to go into her old room.   
"Are you going to tell me your story?" he asked, waiting at her door.  
Faye sighed, standing an arm's length from him. "What makes you think I'll tell you my story? I don't know anything about your story. I don't know anything about your present, and I'm a part of that." he leaned against her doorframe, taking out a cigarette.  
She was comforted slightly by the sound of a lighter. "I remember, but it's worse now." she studied the glowing tip of his cigarette.  
"I know now that everything I've done was pointless, but if I hadn't forgotten- God, how different things would be now. So this one part of me is glad and the other is angry so angry that this all happened to me." he blew smoke out, filling her room.   
"Now what?" she whispered.   
"Now what do I do, where do I go?" Spike laughed.   
"You think anyone else knows what they're doing or where they're going? What kind of a charmed life do you think people live? They're as clueless as you are, some even more. Now you've got a past. Welcome to the ranks of the living. We all deal with ours everyday." she looked away.   
"Some better than others." Spike smiled.   
"I will take that into consideration with my current situation. Don't you want to hear what happened?" he dangled it in front of her like a baited hook.   
She gave him a look. "Ok, ok. I guess it's the least I owe, right? I went down there and Vicious was in a tizzy looking for you. There must've been something else to what he wanted with you. I'm not sure what it was, I didn't get a chance to ask when I was shooting the place up." Faye listened intently.   
"Did you find him? What happened?" Spike shrugged.   
"I found him, we exchanged blows." Faye's mouth dropped open.   
"What, that's your story? That's the version you're giving us?" he grinned.   
"No, just you. Ed got, "I fought the bad guys and kicked their butts," Jet got "It's over now." See, yours was the best so far." Faye didn't look impressed.   
"Is he dead?" Spike shrugged.   
"Somehow Vicious never dies, but I'll be damned if I didn't give it my best shot." he told her cockily.   
"I think he knows that I'm done hiding. It's over." Faye had waited for him to say this, but now that it was said she wasn't sure what her part was.   
"And now-" she began, hesitant.  
"And now we live each day as it comes to us." Faye closed the gap between them.   
Spike flicked a butt away, and stared down at her. "I missed you." she told him, staring after the discarded filter for a moment.   
"I know. I heard you singing." they both smiled slightly at that.   
"That's your song, you know." she told him, her smile gone.   
"A song about sadness?" Faye shook her head.   
"Not all. A song about knowing it, having lived it- it just reminds me of you."   
"It's getting late."   
"Like you care." there was a pause. "Are you going to stay?"   
His face was covered in shadow when he looked down like that. "And leave all this? Who in their right mind would do that?" Spike grinned.  
"We haven't fought in, oh, it must be hours." she raised an eyebrow.   
"Are you complaining? Because I could probably start us an argument." he looked up and she could see him again.  
"Nah, it would feel staged." he raised her face to his with his fingers, but she turned.   
"I can't." she reached for his hand, removing it.   
"You can't give me what I want." he frowned.   
"And what would that be?" Faye felt her eyes sting with tears as she retreated backward into the darkness of her room.   
"Your heart." she began to shut the door. "Goodnight."  
Spike stood there for a moment before turning away. "Yeah, goodnight." 


End file.
